


Choice to be Made

by LelsieSphinx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Choices, Gen, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Non-binary character, POV Bucky Barnes, POV Third Person, Possible Character Death, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Self-Doubt, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 02:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12877911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LelsieSphinx/pseuds/LelsieSphinx
Summary: "You're early," Death finally says."You have a choice, you can die here and I will take you to Judgement. Or you can return to finish your Time."





	Choice to be Made

**Author's Note:**

> Potential Trigger warning, be sure to read the tags. End notes will say more.
> 
> Found a prompt and wanted to write. This is un-beta'd, so all mistakes are mine.

He wakes up with a start. There was no memory of falling asleep, no memory of how he had gotten here.

Scrambling to his feet, Bucky took stock of his surroundings, prepared to fight his way out if necessary. It was flat and colorless. At first glance there was no one there. It was seemingly empty. Was he alone? He immediately tensed as he felt a gaze on his back, whipping around to see someone he would have sworn wasn't there a moment ago. The Being stands there, watching him impassively. That's when he realized what had happened, where he was.

It was hard to look at the Being. Hard to say exactly what they looked like. Dressed in dark, loose clothing, it was hard to tell exactly how tall or short they were. Their long blond white hair would suggest female, but there was something that was neither about their face. As for age, they looked young, but seemed ancient. Much like he himself, perhaps.

He stands, unsure as to what to do. It feels both like moments and years since arriving here, the strange Being watching him silently. Looking down at himself, there is no evidence of what he did, although he is surprised to see he has both arms. Bucky looks back up and waits. Waits uneasily for the Being who he knows must be there for him to declare some kind of judgement on him.

"You're early," Death finally says. Bucky offers a nervous chuckle.

"Well I'd heard so much about you. Couldn't wait to meet ya," he jokes weakly. Death gives no response. Bucky rubs the back of his neck, at a loss of what to do or say. He opens his mouth to ask _what happens to me now?_ but can't force the words out.

"You have a choice," Death says then, as if they had heard the unasked question.

"Don't send me back!" Bucky cries.

"You have a choice," Death says again, completely ignoring his outburst, "You can die here, now, alone, in pain. And I will take you to Judgement. There they will weigh your life's deeds. Every good, every bad, no matter how small. There can be no hiding."

Bucky swallows hard and looks away, thrusting his hands into pockets to hide his trembling. There had been a lot of bad in his life. That's why he was here. Judgement, he was sure, would not be kind to him.

"Or you can return. You will finish your Time, and when such arrives, I will take you to Judgement then."

In the silence, Bucky considered this. Neither seemed like a good choice. Staying meant Damnation, he was almost certain of it. Everything he had done over the last few decades would be marked against him. There were so many who would be alive if it weren't for him. He vaguely wondered if his death would be counted as a sin, or if in the long run it would be better; if it could be seen as something good. But if he went back...

"If- if I were to go back," Bucky says to the ground, nervously wetting his lips and swallowing again, "If I went back, would it make any difference at all?" He looks up to meet Death's eyes. Death stared back, their face seemingly ancient and care-worn. When Bucky finally broke the gaze, Death spoke.

"Where there's life, there's hope, James. There is always a choice with life. Should you choose to return, that will be your choice."

Bucky tossed his head back in a humorless laugh. "Then you don't know anything about my life, pal. There aren't many choices."

"And yet you chose to come here, to die," Death replied.

He reared back as if struck. He had chosen to die. That was a choice he had made. If he made it now, he could have made it sooner. Could he have tried harder to resist Hydra's orders? Was there something he could have done different, something to protect those he had murdered? Surely he could choose, could have chosen, not to kill. He should have fought harder, should have...

"Your evaluation on your past will make no difference. Judgement Sees everything, and you will have no say. Dwelling on your past will make no difference. You must make your choice. Will you choose to die here and proceed to Judgement, or do you return to your Life."

Bucky shudders, his legs becoming weak under him. How was he supposed to make this choice? If he returns, he returns to Hydra, as the Soldier. Following orders, unless by some miracle he has a moment of clarity to fight back. He could spend the rest of his life under them, doing terrible things. He doesn't want to live like that. Not again. He got away. His options were live and hope he was strong enough to fight back again - for an unknown amount of time - or die and see what happens to him.

"What happens after Judgement? Do I have any chance of..." He tapers off, unable to finish. _Of forgiveness_ he wants to ask, _of hope._ But he can't.

Death shakes their head, saying "I cannot answer that. You must make your choice first."

He closes his eyes, heart sinking. "How long would I have left if I live?"

"I cannot tell you that either," was the reply. Bucky fell to his knees with a broken sob. He covered his face with his hands, feeling so lost. When he chose this, he was expecting peace, something simple. How could he choose between life and death? There was nothing, nothing to go off of.

"Is there anything you can tell me." His question was met with silence. Of course.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and tensed, turning his gaze up sharply. Death stood above him, pale and unblinking.

"Should you return, your life will not be easy. There is hope, but that is a choice you must make. You will have many choices to make, and many will lead to pain. There is no definite answer. Such is Life. Should you choose to end your life here, You will be taken immediately to Judgement. Your Judgement will be a long process - there can be nothing to hide. Everything, every moment will be laid out and examined. Picked apart for every intention and every consequence. Judgement is Final." Death took a step back. "You must make your choice."

Bucky stared at his hands in his lap. There had been good things in his life. Choices he had made that he wouldn't hesitate to make again. But the last part of his life had been horrible. He was under no illusions that these would count against him. But if he went back, that's what he was going back to. Death had said there was a choice, but was there really a choice? Could he go back to that?

Again, he closes his eyes, this time bowing his head and clenching his fists against his thighs.

"I'm ready," Bucky says, making his choice.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: it is implied Bucky killed himself to get away from Hydra. He has to decide if living is worth going back to them.
> 
> Original prompt: your character looks at Death. Death looks at your character. "You're early," Death finally says.
> 
> This is my first time sharing anything I've written. Feedback would be very much appreciated, but please be kind (and honest)! :)


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